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STATISTICS:
•Only a small number of countries admit a significant number of immigrants for permanent settlement - chiefly Australia, Canada, New Zealand and the United States.
•The percent of people aged 65 and over speaking English "Less than Very Well" is higher in metropolises like New York, Chicago, and Los Angeles where there are high immigrant concentrations.
Dreaming Gujurati
Shailja Patel
United StatesGALLERYCONVERSATION
The children in my dreams
speak in Gujurati

turn their trusting faces to the sun
say to me
care for us nurture us
in my dreams I shudder and I run.

I am six
in a playground of white children
Darkie, sing us an Indian song!

Eight
in a roomful of elders
all mock my broken Gujurati
English girl!
Twelve, I tunnel into books
forge an armor of English words.

Eighteen, shaved head
combat boots -
shamed by masis
in white saris
neon judgments
singe my western head.

Mother tongue.
Matrubhasha
tongue of the mother
I murder in myself.

Through the years I watch Gujurati
swell the swaggering egos of men
mirror them over and over
at twice their natural size.

Through the years
I watch Gujurati dissolve
bones and teeth of women, break them
on anvils of duty and service, burn them
to skeletal ash.

Words that don’t exist in Gujurati:
Self-expression.
Individual.
Lesbian.

English rises in my throat
rapier flashed at yuppie boys
who claim their people “civilized” mine.
Thunderbolt hurled
at cab drivers yelling
Dirty black bastard!
Force-field against teenage hoods
hissing
Fucking Paki bitch!
Their tongue - or mine?
Have I become the enemy?

Listen:
my father speaks Urdu
language of dancing peacocks
rosewater fountains
even its curses are beautiful.
He speaks Hindi
suave and melodic
earthy Punjabi
salty rich as saag paneer
coastal Kiswahili
laced with Arabic,
he speaks Gujurati
solid ancestral pride.

Five languages
five different worlds
yet English
shrinks
him
down
before white men
who think their flat cold spiky words
make the only reality.

Words that don’t exist in English:
Najjar
Garba
Arati.

If we cannot name it
does it exist?
When we lose language
does culture die? What happens
to a tongue of milk-heavy
cows, earthen pots
jingling anklets, temple bells,
when its children
grow up in Silicon Valley
to become
programmers?

Then there’s American:
Kin’uh get some service?
Dontcha have ice?
Not:
May I have please?
Ben, mane madhath karso?
Tafadhali nipe rafiki
Donnez-moi, s’il vous plait
Puedo tener…..

Hello, I said can I get some service?!
Like, where’s the line for Ay-mericans
in this goddamn airport?

Words that atomized two hundred thousand Iraqis:
Didja see how we kicked some major ass in the Gulf?
Lit up Bagdad like the fourth a’ July!
Whupped those sand-niggers into a parking lot!

The children in my dreams speak in Gujurati
bright as butter
succulent cherries
sounds I can paint on the air with my breath
dance through like a Sufi mystic
words I can weep and howl and devour
words I can kiss and taste and dream
this tongue
I take
back.
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COMMENTS ABOUT THIS STORY
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wanda raimundi-ortiz (United States)
Shailja, this piece speaks volumes of American entitlement and the crushing brute force of psychological occupation. As a latina, i can relate to cultural multiplicity. You just say it so much better than I can. thank god for poets, you have the words that most of us do not. Thank you thank you thank you!
Arinola Okubule (Nigeria)
your poem is so touching. I was deeply moved. thanks for inspiring me to appreciate my culture more.
More than often we tend to get lost in the english engrafting, swallowing up things so dear to us. keep on writing , thanks for your piece
David Adam Brown (Canada)
Shailja...I'm from Kenya...and I'm an old friend of Dipesh Pabari..he introduced me to your work...and it brings out the Indian in me! I'm 50% Indian and 50% British...and your words help me to comprehend the inner struggle I feel between those two indentities...I guess I'm not alone.

Thank you so much for bringing dignity to my inner Indian.
shaila (United States)
your words move me deeply. a young woman of bangladeshi descent raised in new jersey who just moved to manhattan, i was questioning my relationship to my mother culture. thank you for reminding me what a gift it is to have my rich heritage with its many facets.
Juanita Rios (United States)
Thank U for the insight that some of us are blind to see; or should I say, don't want 2 see because we're in our own cultural world. It's a beautiful poem.
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